Seen on a nun’s gravestone: Returned unopenedAn April Fool Day contribution by mixerman478Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?Little...Old Lady: I am 86 years old.Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.Defense Attorney: Did you know him?Little Old Lady: No, but. In other words, Mrs. Jamison, a person who is not a leftist Commie or a sick perverted soul; a person who has made one mistake, and should, because that person is basically good and honest, be given a second chance. I think you're the kind of person, Mrs. Jamison, and I want to help you. I wouldn't want to see you exposed as a Commie, or a sex degenerate."The lovely wife shuddered, for there was an oily, frightening quality to Samuels's voice that contained the consideration of things. The song "Rehab" won her a second Ivor Novello Award. At the 50th Grammy Awards in 2008, she won five awards, tying the then record for the most wins by a female artist in a single night and becoming the first British woman to win five Grammys, including three of the General Field "Big Four" Grammy Awards: Best New Artist, Record of the Year and Song of the Year (for "Rehab"), as well as Best Pop Vocal Album.Winehouse was plagued by d**g and alcohol addiction. She died of alcohol poisoning on. I cried out in slight agony as lash after lash crisscrossed my body, thankfully eased by the fabric of the nightgown. Ten lashes to my back and front and then the man stopped, turned the whip over to a second man and I watched as he approached me head on. "I wanna see some fuckin' tit" he said and grabbing hold of my gown, tore it off my one shoulder exposing my tit. "Ooohh, that's better whore" as he slapped my face hard several times, cutting my lip a little as I could feel a slight trickle.
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